New year celebration writing

[tone]

How's the writing below?

I also post it under the joke forum but I think it's a good chance to let the people here checking the writing.

A few weeks ago, me and a friend were going to have a night out. We started out in his flat, drinking gin & tonics. We went to a rather popular club and ended up in a massive line. 30 minutes later we had almost reached the goal-line, when my friend started to get a green and pale complexion. Suddenly I saw a burst of vomit coming through the air and landing on the guy in front of us. When the unlucky man in front of turned around in an attempt to grasp what had happened, my friend raised his fist and threw a punch at the poor guy's chin and he went down. My friend leaped out of the line and ran away.

When I caught up to him a few minutes later I asked him what the hell he was doing back in the line, he said that when he had thrown up on the other guy he was sure that there was some form of retaliation coming his way, so he simply decided to hit the other guy first.

[Telenore]

That's a very good writing.

[ONO]

Umm...

[tone]

It doesn't sounds like joke when I read it again.

[D.Edink]

Good luck ibell Id love to read it.

Im writing a short story well, written for another competition. Had a cracker opening I was proud of...then just fizzles out....     I know how you feel.